How to Control Anger
As a person with high sensitivity, I always wondered how to control my emotions so that they don't convert into some fierce actions & get myself into some heated situations. To be honest, all of us have us doesn't matter from where we are or how much success we have achieved, everyone has some issues with anger only difference is some can control it & some just can't get themselves out of that intense emotion.
According to respected Mr Sadhguru when a question was asked to about what is anger & how to control it, then he replied something like this: anger is a form of emotion & not an entity. When you get angry then you only poison yourself, you become angry because you are feeling miserable, disappointed or frustration that is caused by the situations you find yourself in but the thing is humans are actually designed in a way to influence the outside world & not to get dictated by the external sources.
When we can't set a good relationship between our own inner self & the person we try to pretend as in the external world is where we lack to develop our faculties & our mind stops taking instructions from us. According to him, human consciousness should create its own situations which are the remedy for your mind not to get influenced by external factors.
Now if we look at a situation when we are in a conversation where we try to guard our thoughts in every possible way which often becomes a cause of anger especially when someone disagrees with our own opinion, we become very reactive to prove ourselves right.
According to doctors, Being Mindfulness is another factor that reduces excessive emotions flowing through along with better decision making to boost up your productivity. Practising it gives you much needed support to your senses to understand the situation better which results in higher maturity & more control in your own actions.
If we want to dive a little deeper into the world of Mindfulness, then we have to clarify the basic meaning & the order of practice:
Mindfulness is a mental or psychological state where your Awareness about the present time & situation is tested. Here you acknowledge what's going around you & your conscious mind lets you decide what best for you.
one most common advice I found was that if you are getting angry frequently then it's very important that you identify the reasons behind it, it's high time that you discover all those factors which make you lose your grip on the psychological side. Now let's put some light on common problems that easily leads to anger:
1. Feeling Hungry
Hunger is something we need to be wary of because it could cause small arguments to a very heated situation where you lose the control from your behaviours & this is quite dangerous especially for all those sensitive people who get easily influenced even by small emotional factors.
To prevent this you should not keep yourself hungry for long, it is not just important from health & nutrition side but also an area which impacts your thought process that is the psychological side. If you know that you will be in an important meeting which will run long & you can't go out in the middle then you have to take necessary measures in order to not feel hungry, luckily there are some easy ways through which you could win this battle against your hunger:
- Drink the decent amount of water: This is the easiest one to implement but be careful because drinking too much of liquid could bring some extra concerns especially when you are busy & don't have much freedom to move from your workplace frequently.
- Consuming a mint: If you were unaware then I would like to tell you that Mint is an Appetite Suppressant which reduces your desire to eat more & also works to satisfy the oral sensation
- Eat Nuts: Eating nuts could easily prevent you from feeling hungry for a long time, with proper consumption it can assure you a lot of health benefits as well.
- Dark Chocolate: Probably the expensive choice of them all but still if you want some tasty ways to beat the hunger then dark chocolate is the ideal one for you.
2. Stress or Fatigue
Daily work, long hours of tension & never-ending list of tasks could make you feel worn out of all the positive vibes that you begin with, in the morning & as you reach home late night & things are not in shape as per your liking then even a little mistake or argument is enough to increase the temperature so always take care of the stress levels - it could be in the office, in some public place or at your home - Fatigue doesn't help anywhere.
Some Simple ways which could remove stress:
- Rest & Sleep: If you are too stressed then it's best to sleep because when you wake up after a few hours, you will either forget the little things causing you to worry or your state of mind will be in a much better place to decide on things.
- Use of fragrance: Scents or fragrance could immensely impact your thinking - a light & gentle scent is ideal to make environment tranquil.
- Music: Whichever the situation, Music can support you in everything - pain, sadness, anger & happiness. So don't think of too many choices when you want to change your mood & get back to being calm & happy.
3. Frustration or Disappointment
It could be the result of the stress or inability to complete a task which causes frustration.
The above steps to prevent stress are the ones that should be followed to reduce the impact of any disappointment.
4. Environment or Climate
When you have to adapt to different surroundings lets take an example - You are used to mild or cold climates but then you come to a place where temperature generally hovers around 40 -45 deg. Celsius then it can potentially not only harm you but cause anger. So beware of your surroundings.
5. Memories
Past experiences or older memories leads to sudden tension, you must not allow the past to influence your present more so when its paves path to troubles. Having control in your thinking & behaviour is important to deal with such situations.
Before we move on here is another one of important sayings from Sadhguru that allows us to control ourselves:
We must allow other's thoughts to dictate our life, different people have different visions or way of thinking which might be due to various living environments but we as an individual must not be focusing how other's approach instead we must do things that we are happy with & willing to do it without asking for any accolades, not even a thank you. Practising this makes experience the inner joy that is NOT related to the materialistic world & our greed, it's solely because we want to do it & that's why we do the certain task that provides us with satisfaction.
Let's come back to the practising of Mindfulness, as we now know about the things that possibly causing the anxiety or anger in our mind, it's an important stage that we learn How to Express ourselves in those moments/We humans are primarily focused on being social & when we are interacting socially then it's essential that we make our words easy to understand: Take an example ,
lets assume you are very agitated at present & suddenly one of your friends come to you, during such situation you must not explode in many emotions given that you are willing to make an effort to implement the technique of mindfulness, what is ideal at this position, is to acknowledge the fact that you are feeling anxious or anger for certain reasons which involves your own experience & you are responsible for it, not your friend. When you realise it then you must tell him/her that
" I am angry at this point because of this XYZ reason & its I am responsible for this unpleasant moment, please don't feel anything wrong, I need to little time to overcome this moment "
When you start acknowledging like this you practice SELF EMPOWERMENT, you feel more relaxed & instantly there is calmness surrounds you, at the very same time you socially become more acceptable because starts understanding that the person is aware & takes care of his social environment.
Preventing Anger in relationships:
When you are in a relationship then the anger could result in many volatile outcomes so it's a must that you maintain a really good understanding especially letting him/her know about your anxieties & causes of anger. That way you could control the little & big arguments from taking place.
In a sensitive topic like a relationship, one thing you should remember is able to forgive & not letting the past memories harm your present state of the relationship is something must be kept in mind.
If you want to ask or discuss then you must ask your partner to freely without any hesitation, this prevents any kind of misunderstanding to occur hence making things much clearer.
Anger Management & Self Control:
When you analyse any anger case & it's consequences, you come to Self Control because, under these circumstances, Better Self Control will prevent any major mishaps but if it's fragile then the impact could be fatal. According to Jonathan Bricker, the art of Self Control is based on your inner actions - when you say no to a certain habit or behaviour then it occupies your thoughts even more & you end getting involved in things you want to get rid of therefore the best strategy is let occupy some space within you, accept the truth, let it have its place. Doing this would allow you to be calmer, the behaviour could be anything from the temptation to behavioural faults. For More info, you can Follow the Advice of Dr Bricker which he delivers in one of the TEDtalks based on Self Control
Realizing the power of Self Control:
It is seen almost every time that a person becomes prey of others thoughts, whatever they say, s/he takes it from the heart & starts believing in it, it is so common that particular person going through this could be you who becomes a victim of other's opinions isn't it?
Always remember when you see through the view of others then you accept that your thoughts are not capable of analysing the truth & hence your identity & world is shaped by someone else & not you which is very synonymous to the situation of a puppet controlled by others.
Having Control in your thoughts & action is a power that defines you as a person & you become whom you wish to become once you have it, therefore, you can understand the importance of SELF CONTROL.
Becoming Angry Unknowingly:
There are certain incidents which you can recall from your past or have seen it with others where they become angry but without having any particular reason, there is nothing wrong externally but then you feel the anger or become anxious from inside.
This is critical to both - personal & work life. When anyone acts rude & have their grudge on another individual/group then it is normal for people to question you. Such a thing could arise because of the following:
SHAME - It could arise when you have a different approach to live your life, way of working or making you feel that way because of public opinion
DEPRESSION - Fatigue or stress resulting in depression
ANXIETY - Could be due to tension or heavy thinking
All the mentioned factors later result in ANGER. One particular reason which is ahead of all these is LOVE or AFFECTION. As per psychologists -Affection has the ability to remove anger & fill it up with much better emotions. So we must not underestimate the impact of positive behaviours that we receive from others.
Anger is equally violent for teens or children as it is in adults, it has been seen in numerous cases, teenagers are found to take the wrong path under strong emotions of shame, grudge or disappointment. Such a situation demands good parenting & quality education where they can learn the importance of self-control. It is to be noted carefully that if a child posses those characteristics of high sensitivity & in the stage of life doesn't get to learn to his/her emotions then in the later stage it is only going to get more difficult & tedious therefore sooner it is done better it is for the individual growth.
Friendships & elderly support form their parents or anyone who is willing to help others could be highly beneficial in shaping up the future of teenagers with high anger as they analyse themselves after listening to the words & positive environment would only boost the influence of those words said to them.
This is not a secret that as the children grow up & enter the teenage, some gets diverted by the glitzy world & due to some individual frustration: it could be due to domestic turbulence which is related to the separation of parents or losing them, not getting the attention of parents or family members, Bad Friendships, early relationships could easily put that individual in a spot of anxiety & stress, as s/he is very new such emotions, anger is very easy to occupy the mind & force that person to make harmful decisions which could very well be catastrophic for both society & individually.
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